Parental Guidance in Goal Achievement
My husband and I decided early on that we would help our daughters not only become goal setters but also goal achievers.
We knew it wasn’t enough to just dream big learning how to plan is what truly brings those dreams to life.
“A goal without a plan is just a wish.”
Goal setting alone isn’t the most important lesson. What matters more is teaching children how to develop a plan, make progress, adjust their course, and celebrate success.
Starting Small and Working Together
Start small and work together.
Setting goals can be addictive once you start setting goals, making plans, and achieving results, you naturally want to do it again and again. Kids catch onto that excitement quickly!
Because it’s exciting, I encourage you to let your child choose their own goals. Avoid setting goals for them or steering them toward what you think is best.
For example, while aiming for the honor roll might be a practical goal, if your child isn’t passionate about it, it’s unlikely to succeed.
Edward L. Coyle, PhD, a clinical psychologist from Oklahoma City, wisely notes:
“If parents find they’re nagging or getting angry that their child isn’t working hard enough to meet a goal, that’s a signal they need to back off.”
So, start small. Let them choose the direction. Set achievable goals with simple steps and build momentum as they succeed.
Of course, there will be goals that cannot be achieved or ones that require more parental help and that’s okay! That’s the point. Children need to dream, and then learn how to achieve those dreams using the resources they have — or by learning new skills.
And you, mom, are part of those resources. ❤️
Brainstorming a Plan
Wishes and goals may sound similar, but they’re vastly different.
This is where many people fall short they fail to plan.
You’ve likely heard it before:
“If you fail to plan, you plan to fail.”
Without a clear idea of how to accomplish our goals, success is unlikely or at best, delayed.
So how do you teach your children to create a plan?
Ask questions!
Here are a few to get started:
- How do you think you can achieve your goal?
- What do you need to reach it?
- What might make it difficult to achieve?
- How would it feel to succeed?
Asking thoughtful questions helps children develop their inner dialogue they start to think like planners. Over time, this kind of reflection becomes second nature, strengthening their ability to set and achieve goals independently.
Celebrating the Milestones
As adults, we know that just because we set a goal doesn’t mean we’ll achieve it. Sometimes, despite our best efforts, we have to change course, adjust our sails, or even let go of the goal entirely.
Children need to learn that too.
They’ll face moments of frustration and discouragement when plans don’t go as expected and it’s our job as parents to help them navigate that.
That’s why it’s important to:
- Celebrate milestones
- Champion revisions
- Focus on progress, not just outcomes
Recognize their efforts, encourage their flexibility, and celebrate their perseverance. The more we focus on the process rather than the result, the more confident and resilient our children will become.
This creates a safe space for them to dream bigger and set even more challenging goals.
Handling Failure in Goal Setting
What happens when they fail?
If you gasped at the word fail, let me reassure you they will fail.
We all do.
Failure is not the opposite of success; it’s a part of it.
How we handle failure – and how we teach our children to handle it – plays a huge role in building confidence and resilience.
When failure happens, here’s how to help your child fail well:
- Recognize the effort they put in.
- Evaluate the plan: Was it realistic? Too vague? Were any steps missed?
- Revise the plan and try again.
Allowing children to feel safe when they fail gives them the courage to try again and that’s what creates lifelong learners and achievers.
Final Thoughts
Building a habit of setting goals isn’t about instant success.
It’s about teaching your children how to plan, adapt, and persist through challenges. The better equipped they are to handle setbacks, the stronger they’ll become at achieving their dreams – both big and small.
Because ultimately, success isn’t about never failing…
It’s about learning how to rise again.